Even after I got born
again, this mindset crossed over with me. I wondered if I was ready to obey
God’s command on 2 Corinthians 6:14 with the way guys who were born again were
seeming unattractive. Thankfully, I managed breaking up with the then boyfriend
I had before receiving Christ; and was he bad! My friends would warn me of the
many other girls he had out there (I totally feel for Teckla and Catherine each
time I recall this phase of my life. You girls tried.). Apparently, I had
fallen so head over heels that all these allegations they made did not make
sense to me at all. Amidst so many tears and sleepless nights, I did it. I let
him go.
After
a year of being single and saved, the Lord brought along a man who would turn
out to be very significant in my life. All through this while; I had learnt much
about relationships and why Paul had to be very forthright about 2 Corinthians
6:14. It says:
Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
It took me time to
actually accept what the Lord was saying to me in this verse and just take it
as it was. So, I will expound on why I chose to obey and only allowed myself to
relate with a guy who was saved.
A course
The one major thing I learnt
about any healthy relationship is that it must be founded on something. In this
case, a gentleman and a lady relating must be aware of the direction in which
their relationship is heading. For this case, marriage must be the focus. With
how the world is today, the meaning of marriage has been greatly trampled on.
It is rare to find people, even in the church, speaking positively about it.
Marriage is not an institution you want to commit to with someone not too sure
about it; in other words, having one leg in and one leg out.
Christ at the center
In the book of John
15:5, Christ said: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me
and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing…” with
time, I have come to appreciate the fact that indeed Christ meant every word He
said here. The vine signifies Christ being our source. Us separating ourselves
from Him means disobeying His commands and looking elsewhere for refuge. He
then says “…apart from Me you can do nothing…” This may sound a bit too harsh
but again, He meant it. It may not look so on the surface each time we disobey.
However, this will mostly explain the emptiness and disappointment that come
with relationships not founded on Christ. We end up making idols of our
partners, putting them at the place of God; a responsibility only God Himself
can handle.
I can confidently
testify that there is nothing as fulfilling as a relationship with Christ at
the center. This comes not only from my own personal experience, but also from
older couples in the faith I know. It is hard to have Christ at the center of
your relationship with a partner who does not share your faith. In fact, it is
utterly impossible. The relationship may seem to blossom at the beginning.
However, it will only be a matter of time and the cracks will begin to show. In
following Christ, the trust-and-obey policy is what works. Apart from Him you
can do nothing.
The selfish agenda
I know some may be
going like ‘How about I lead him/her to Christ while we relate?’ This may shock
you but there is actually nothing Christ-like in that. You are seeking to
convert another into your faith for your own selfish gain: so that you can
relate with them. Two negative results are possible here. The partner in
question may actually agree and get saved for your sake; to impress you. This
now means that Christ is out of this equation. It is not Christ that saved
them; it is you that ‘saved’ them. This is not Christ-glorifying at all.
The other result would
be resentment. The partner may end up resenting you due to the pressure they
feel you are placing on them to have your faith. This then becomes a hindrance
to the working of the Holy Spirit; who is the only one able to truly convict
anyone in to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. The partner then ends up
moving farther away from ever discovering the love of Christ for what it is.
This is therefore not an option for anyone who genuinely loves another who is
not in the faith. Being found in God’s will is more important than missing out
on a supposed love story.
Growth
Growing is always good;
something I constantly desire concerning my faith. Being in a relationship with
a partner with whom you can share values that are of benefit to both of you is
an awesome thing. This means that your views of life are not too different and
you are both driven by similar values. My faith is important to me. I therefore
needed to walk into marriage with someone who would lead me in a godly way.
I realise how critical
the position of a husband is; both in society and spiritually speaking. That is
a major reason why I did not want to accept just anyone on to that spot. I do
not mean that it had to be someone perfect. I know Joseph is not the most
perfect guy in the world for me, just as I am not the most perfect girl for
him; but it is through our imperfections that we are both learning to love
perfectly. The Lord is using our weaknesses and strengths to mold each one of
us into His likeness. I am convinced that the marriage relationship was
designed by God more for our eternal benefit, than just for our enjoyment in
this world. It is more about God’s glory, than my happiness and satisfaction.
So the bad-boy-syndrome
is dead in me. I am more thrilled by Christ-like charm nowadays; which is
exactly what God has blessed me with. The man in my life is one I would
comfortably describe as my best friend. He is one person I love to look up to.
We may not be too sure what is coming in the future we are both looking forward
to, but with Christ being the Rock of us, I know those storms will come and
pass.
